Monday, 20 February 2012

The Book of Burning Questions (1)

You won’t hear me deny it. Life is full of Burning Questions which stand in pressing need of Cool Answers to extinguish them. But I have noticed, over a long life of contemplation (yes, dear reader, there are people who dabble in that dangerous practice of thinking) that most of the Burning Questions on which people waste their time – and my patience – are boloney. Those, the shallow pseudo-mysteries of petit-bourgeois scholasticism, I have no trouble – and no fear of – answering. So that we may never hear of them again out of the mouths of airheads, hair-brains or uppity teenagers called Ivana.

So here goes for the first three out of a lengthy series. Read them, contemplate them, then learn them by heart and use them against all pop philosophers.

Q: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
A: The chicken. An egg cannot hatch itself.

Q: Is this glass half empty or half full?
A: The answer, my dear mental baboon, is that it is both.

Q: Who wrote William Shakespeare´s works?
A: As such things go, most probably his wife.


  1. Maar waarom een foto van Peter Boorsma??

    Je R

  2. The egg, of course! A chicken cannot create itself. The last dinosaur that gave birth to the egg that contained the first chicken was not a chicken but a dinosaur!

    As for the other 2, you are probably right.

    Je R

    1. Dear Jerry,

      You must be deeply versed in Evolutionary Theory. How else to explain your remarkable mental pirouettes? First of all: eggs are not given birth to, they are laid. Second: your third sentence is a tautology; it reveals to us that the Last Dinosaur was a Dinosaur (Surprise!). Thirdly: how do you picture a three-ton Dino hatching a 50-gram chicken egg? Lastly: what is this Probably in your last sentence? Do you not know whom you’re talking to?

      It seems to me you keep forgetting the K at the end of your name.

      Yours, sincerely, Alfred B. Mittington.

    2. Dear Alf,

      As all the males who consider themselves to be the Alfa male of the pack, you tend to retort to word-wizzardry and argumentum ad hominem as soon as real arguments are not at hand. You know that I always consent to this; there is no reason to reason with the one without reason. But, as you indeed *are* a Man of Reason, I think you should try once more to concentrate on the Message itself, and not the way it is wrapped up. I suggest you indeed for once read The Origin of Species, and add a more recent book about the evolution of birds. It may dawn upon you that I am right.

      Yours sincerely,


    3. Dear JerR,

      Do not call me Alf. There are limits even to Alfred B. Mittington’s patience!

      Whining over Ad Hominem arguments presupposes that there are convincing human qualities about you. This I must doubt. More specifically: I have the impression that you are one of those people who prove how very right Darwin was!

      The notion that birds would come from dinosaurs is about as preposterous as the idea that there is a link between the Horse and the Rhinoceros, probably by way of the Unicorn. Perhaps you subscribe to that one too? Have it your way! Make a fool of yourself! See if ABM cares!


  3. There is another question dating from the Middle Ages: if Gods is omnipotent, does that mean that He is capable of creating a stone so heavy the He Himself can not lift it? Tu P.

    1. Alfred B. Mittington is working on that one. But thanks. ABM