Monday, 16 April 2012

The Book of Burning Questions (4)

Thank God it’s over!! Praise the Lord that the 15th of April 2012 is finally behind us! One more TV-show on the bloody Titanic and I’ll scream! One more commemoration, re-enactment, pageant, conspiracy theory, revelation, docu-drama or feature film reconstruction and I will personally start a Citizens Initiative to forbid all mention of the miserable melodrama in the media! I will suggest to every parliamentary commission that will hear me, that Mr Cameron be blacklisted from film-making for the remainder of the century. That Mr DiCaprio and Ms Winslet be banned from the acting profession for the rest of their physical existence! That the wreck of the unsinkable ship be covered with a ten-foot heap of reinforced concrete on the bottom of the ocean and that the names of all survivors and victims be stricken from the public records on both sides of the Atlantic. And then we can finally all go back to worrying about things that really matter, such as the following Burning Questions to which I here tentatively offer the corresponding Cool Answers:

Q :What is the oldest profession in the world?
A: Pimping

Q: Who killed JFK?
A: As the Romans said: ‘Cui Bono?’, ‘To Whose Benefit?’. The only way to find a killer is to discover who profited most from the crime. And since JFK’s tragic death turned the public image of a philandering, tottering, war-starting male pig chauvenist rich kid, whose daddy had bought him the presidency by way of a toy, into a generally admired Saintly King Arthur of Our Age who got punished with death for thwarting the Military Industrial Complex, it will be obvious that the man who killed JFK must have been… JFK.

Q: How do you get a Cretan to tell the truth?
A: By asking him to lie.

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