Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Euro-English to be introduced ‘peacemeal’

Dear Reader,

The following text is NOT my own. It was sent to me by the email grapevine, and I do not know its autor. Hence I cannot ask for permission or give credit where it is due. However: since – in the final lines - he or she explicitly asks for this text to be passed on to other readers, I will for once bow my head to another writer of genius, and post a text not my own. For it is indeed hilarious! Enjoy! Enjoy!

Alfred B. Mittington

Ze Kveens Englies

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". 

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. 

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. 
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. 

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. 

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. 
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.

Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. 

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. 

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl


Ah, you laugh, dear reader! But did you known that back in the 18th century, at the time of the Revolution, the USA Congress, seriously considered making German the official language of the States, out of hatred for the tea-zipping Limeys from London?

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