Some two weeks ago in The Hague, our matchless and incomparable EU President, Herman van Rompuy, took the Enemy to task. He did not do so in Haiku fashion – his favourite verse form – but the assault had unmistakable Samurai qualities to it. This formidable man who, according to his secretary, “has drawers full of sharpened knives” ready for use in his Brussels’ escritoire, lashed out remorselessly at the treacherous Eurosceptics, those vile folk who perversely refuse to believe in the European Ideal of Earthly Paradise.
The occasion admittedly was a weird one. In a Dutch TV-program, Mr Van Rompuy was confronted with a recent study by a Eurosceptic agency, paid for by the Dutch Eurosceptic PVV party, which concluded that it would be much cheaper for Holland to get out of the Euro-zone than to stay in and keep paying for Irish, Greek, Portuguese and Spanish defaults. This is of course an absurdity; but the counter arguments of Super Herman were even more idiotic.
‘The importance of the Eurozone can not be underestimated’ said the Oracle from Brussels (meaning, of course, the exact opposite). Then he pointed out that interest rates are lower than ever because of the Euro (also in the USA, Japan and China...); that Europe would have slipped into an awful depression had it not been for the Euro (no such Armageddon anywhere in sight in Europe…), and that countries would have devaluated their currencies had they not been restrained by the Euro (oh horror horror horror…). One wonders on which planet this greatest Belgian since Manneken Pis lives, but soi…
The real beauty, however, came towards the end. Was the Euro a good and desirable thing? Obviously it was, he argued, because many countries are still eager to join the Eurozone despite its present problems. ‘The Eurozone,’ he proclaimed, ‘is still Sexy!’
Except that one may wonder WHY the Eurozone is considered so ‘sexy’ by countries that are not yet part of it. Allow me to employ a crude metaphor and put it this way: a prostitute will also tell a paying client that he’s the biggest hunk she’s ever seen, if that is what it takes to make him happy and open-handed. Erotic appeal has nothing to do with it. Candidates outside the EU and the Eurozone are so very willing to join because any country that does, immediately receives billions in subsidies and aid. Yet one may wonder how horny they would be if, instead of a getting a huge bribe to join, they were asked to pay membership fees which exceeded the benefits.
Supherman, however, lusts after the illusion. Anxious to believe in his own erotic appeal, he would lend credence to the whore who tells him she gets terribly turned on by bald, emaciated, pale-faced beurocrats. I would gladly allow him the satisfaction, if only he wouldn’t make Greek children and Portuguese elderly pay for his pleasures!