Some two weeks ago in The Hague, our matchless
and incomparable EU President, Herman van Rompuy, took the Enemy to task. He did not do so in Haiku fashion – his favourite verse
form – but the assault had unmistakable Samurai qualities to it. This formidable
man who, according to his secretary, “has drawers full of sharpened knives” ready
for use in his Brussels’ escritoire,
lashed out remorselessly at the treacherous Eurosceptics, those vile folk who perversely
refuse to believe in the European Ideal of Earthly Paradise.
The occasion admittedly was a weird one. In a
Dutch TV-program, Mr Van Rompuy was confronted with a recent study by a
Eurosceptic agency, paid for by the Dutch Eurosceptic PVV party, which
concluded that it would be much cheaper for Holland to get out of the Euro-zone
than to stay in and keep paying for Irish, Greek, Portuguese and Spanish
defaults. This is of course an absurdity; but the counter arguments of Super
Herman were even more idiotic.
‘The importance of the Eurozone can not be
underestimated’ said the Oracle from Brussels (meaning, of course, the exact opposite).
Then he pointed out that interest rates are lower than ever because of the Euro
(also in the USA, Japan and China...); that Europe would have slipped into an
awful depression had it not been for the Euro (no such Armageddon anywhere in
sight in Europe…), and that countries would have devaluated their currencies had
they not been restrained by the Euro (oh horror horror horror…). One wonders on
which planet this greatest Belgian since Manneken
Pis lives, but soi…
The real beauty, however, came towards the end.
Was the Euro a good and desirable thing? Obviously it was, he argued, because many
countries are still eager to join the Eurozone despite its present problems.
‘The Eurozone,’ he proclaimed, ‘is still Sexy!’
I see…
Except that one may wonder WHY the Eurozone is considered
so ‘sexy’ by countries that are not yet part of it. Allow me to employ a crude
metaphor and put it this way: a prostitute will also tell a paying client that
he’s the biggest hunk she’s ever seen, if that is what it takes to make him
happy and open-handed. Erotic appeal has nothing to do with it. Candidates
outside the EU and the Eurozone are so very willing to join because any country
that does, immediately receives billions in subsidies and aid. Yet one may
wonder how horny they would be if, instead of a getting a huge bribe to join,
they were asked to pay membership fees which exceeded the benefits.
Supherman, however, lusts after the illusion.
Anxious to believe in his own erotic appeal, he would lend credence to the
whore who tells him she gets terribly turned on by bald, emaciated, pale-faced
beurocrats. I would gladly allow him the satisfaction, if only he wouldn’t make
Greek children and Portuguese elderly pay for his pleasures!
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