Friday, 25 May 2012

Cookbook: A Revolting Sandwich

Occasionally, dear reader, it is necessary for the well-meaning, dedicated cookbook author to point out to his readers what a bunch of petty, unadventurous lamebrains they really are.

Hence the above title for today’s recipe.

For I have no doubt that, when you read what I propose you eat tomorrow, you will collectively burst out in screams of disgust and refusal, showing by your immature response that you are but culinary baboons. No, I will not tell you what it is. I will simply tell you what to do.

Take a slice of your preferred bread. Spread butter on top. Now spread peanut butter on top. Now spread Mayonnaise on top. Close your eyes, hold your breath, overcome your prejudice, and eat.

What’s that I hear? Jowls of disgust? Hollers of despair? Indignant denunciations of bad taste? Yukkie, Ugh and Gag??

I thought so. You are, dear readers, petty unadventurous lamebrains. But fortunately for you, ol’ Al is here to help. Heed his wise advice! Do try this recipe! Overcome your irrational loathing. And then you will see, as I saw dozen and dozens of times everywhere and any time I introduced this heavenly snack, that as soon as you have eaten one, you will warm to the idea, the taste will grow on you, and you will soon be craving for a second, and a third, and a fourth, and so on!

And once you have acquired the taste, you may wish to experiment a little more. I myself occasionally sprinkle some freshly ground black pepper on top. At other times, I add a few very thin slices of onion. And some Indonesian friends of mine mixed the Mayo with a spoonful of hot pepper paste called Sambal Manis, which – if not my favourite variant – is a sure recipe to wake up in the morning after a night of heavy drinking when you got to get to work.

And talking about Hot Stuff: tomorrow, yes, TOMORROW is the day that you may and must vote during that idiotic Eurovision Song Festival so that the First Prize goes to   

Don’t forget to watch and don’t you fail to vote for them! If you don’t your Karma will suffer! For God Himself is also of that generation!

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