Thursday, 10 May 2012

The Mittington Mayonnaise Label Collection MANIFESTO

A random page from the collection

Statement of Intent

It is high time, dear reader, that I add one more category to the shortlist of serial subjects which you find in the upper right-hand corner of my blog. That new title is the Alfred B. Mittington Mayonnaise Label Collection.

Don’t frown. Don’t snicker. Don’t groan. By now, you all know my infatuation with and my unwavering devotion to the Golden Sauce, that precious Gift from the Gods by way of the Egg and the Oil. So why should it come as a surprise that Alfred B. Mittington has also dedicated a few decades of his plenteous lifetime to a Linnaeus-style classification of bottled varieties of Mayonnaise, as they are available on the markets of the diverse countries he travelled through and lived in? Nothing is more obvious or helpful. For the Story of Mayonnaise is a rich and fascinating one, dear reader, even when it concerns industrial products; and the choosing of a good bottled Mayo, on those hapless occasions that you cannot whip up your own, is a delicate and hazardous endeavour!

So I feel I have my mandate! By occasionally posting samples from my large collection of Mayonnaise Labels (roughly 200 items from two dozen countries), I will be educating my fellow gourmets in the captivating Saga of the Sauce, and at the same time lead him along that glorious but narrow path of culinary bliss, warning him what traps and pitfalls to avoid, pointing out the stepping stones that lead to safe havens, and – not to forget – denouncing, once and for all, several unforgivable outrages which the captains of industry, those mental cousins of cookbook authors, commit upon their innocent and defenceless clients.

Read it to your advantage, dear reader! And never forget what the grand Chinese Sage said:


‘The road to heaven is lubricated with good Mayonnaise’

[Confucius, On Godly Food, Book II, § 13]

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