Aldeia Viriato, 28 of May, 2012.
Hail Ye Sons and Daughters of the Emerald Isle! Hail!
Although all citizens of the European Union are of course equal, some Europeans obviously are more equal than other Europeans (needless to add that our Brussels Masters consider all of us to be pigs). You, of all the citizens of our continent, are the only ones who – in these coming days - get to vote in referendum on that splendid new Austerity Pact which the EU wishes to impose upon our sovereign nations so as to save its Divine single currency and its unlimited despotic sway.
How you cunning devils ever wrung that concession from the implacable Eurogues I do not know. I suppose there was a lot of free whiskey involved, and perhaps some willing carnal favours by red-haired beauties who sacrificed themselves and their virtue for the national cause… But however that may be: the astonishing fact stands, and it opens the prospects of some funny farce and vaudeville.
Let there be no misunderstanding, my most beloved sons and daughters of Eire: we all know that no matter what you vote, this Austerity Pact is going to be imposed. The best you may do is to gain the right to vote again, and again, and again, until the Correct Democratic Answer has been returned, just as happened on various previous occasions. And yet it would be a pity to forego the opportunity of seeing the Brussels vaudevillains wriggle in despair!
Therefore please vote NO in the coming referendum, so that we may all witness – between here and Bloomsday – the amusing spectacle of their rapid turn-abouts, the instant Presidential Decree Making, the panicky excuses and warped logic which the Beurocrats and their well-paid retainers will toss into the media so as to Destroy, in the name of Stability and Prosperity and Peace, the last vestiges of Democracy! Make the Truth visible! Force them to show their dirty hands! The whole of Europe is counting on you!
Most respectfully yours,
Alfred B. Mittington (author of ‘MontesquiEU in County Mayo?’, Rebelpress Unltd: Ballyhaunis 1993)